Little Fish

Sup,

Hope you aren't getting too bored of this drivel now, still nothing overly exciting has happened since yesterday, in fact I don't think anything exciting will happen until Saturday when I will no doubt get belled out the back of another nutty hardcore race and have another prolapse!!

I tell a lie something exciting did happen yesterday, I went to watch a pro race and it was bloody fast! It was that fast it was all crazily lined out and the race was shortened because there weren't enough riders left - crazy! The weather was rubbish yesterday so I didn't ride my cycles, the weather is much nicer today but I still can't be bothered to ride my cycles so I'm just festering in my pit instead.....I think Sunday's en disastre has left a nice dent in me and the fact that I know that for the next two months I have nutty hardcore races lined up I've kind of lost a bit of motivation (actually a lot of motivation) and feeling somewhat despondent. As always I'm sure I'll bounce back and get back to my normal nutty self but at the moment this whole experience kind of seems somewhat overwhelming and has taken me back a bit. I know it's very early days and fear not I'm not one to throw in the towel that quickly and easily, I suppose it's the reality of going from a big fish in a little pond to a tiny little fish in the bloody great big ocean and having to learn lessons rather brutally and suddenly.  Again I'd be lying if I said that I've not thought about throwing the towel in, who hasn't thought of throwing the towel in when things get tough!? But everytime I've thought about it I've always asked myself how much do I really want to live my dream at the top level and the answer is I want it more than anything! Now just to confirm to any of you reading, I don't expect to be doing well in these pro races, not yet anyway, but I do give mself the expectation of finishing them, call the aim nutty, delusional or whatever you wish but it's an aim and one that I think is bloody hard but realistic and if I don't aim to be finishing them then I shouldn't be here, so that's kind of why I'm feeling a bit down at the moment.

I've felt this way more than once during my short time cycling and a fair few times during my badminton days, the last time I felt like this was when I broke my wrist in a stupid bike crash when a car decided to nicely plough into the peloton. I was so close to quitting after that crash because things weren't going my way but I pereservered through it, albeit with the help of others and got back on track and have done alright since. That was nearly a year ago so to think that my last big low point was nearly one year ago then I'm pretty much due this low point, in fact it's probably long over-due. One thing I have learnt during my low points is not to fight them and just to let them run their course as I know in a few days once I've got myself sorted and my head back in the game I'll be back on it like a car bonnett and ready to endure the pain of the big races and everything else that goes with it. So in light of that, I'm going to sort out my routine over here as I'm pretty sure going to bed at near midnight and waking up at 9am isn't doing me much good! and getting myself over to the UK for a few "easier" races at more my level to keep the confidence and motivation up as I'm sure doing a few of those races I'll soon realise that racing these hardcore nutty races is what I want to be doing and will make me accept the beatings a bit more.

This may all be a bit deep for a blog entry but I said to myself that I'll write the truth and let you all know of the goings on of the life of Kimmy over here in Belge so I'm doing just that. I knew to expect these kind of set-backs before I came as I had the same when I was living by myself in Denmark and I'm sure it's much the same for anyone else living away from home in a country where they don't speak the lingo, I'm not saying that I don't like life over here - I love it and I love trying to learn a new language and culture etc, it's just sometimes having home comforts makes it that much easier.....for example I'm sure if I was travelling back and forth between Jersey and training full-time at home then I wouldn't be feeling too down at the moment but where would the challenge and fun be in that....afterall I'm not here just to ride my bike and try to make it, for sure that's my number one aim, but I'm also here to get a life experience, make new friends, learn a new culture (much like what living in Denmark was for me) and it's something to tell the granchildren - with that in mind I better come out of this low-point pretty quick and make it into the world of cycling pretty quickly as I don't have long left to have little childrens who can then have little childrens for me to tell stories to as I'm getting old and it will be baby time before I know it.

Well there you go, that's a bit more an insightful blog of what's been happening lately and beats the other drivel I've been writing.....I bet none of you knew I was such a deep and meaningful person and a rather complex little character, should this cycling thing not work out then I think I'm going to go into the profession of sports psychology or something similar. Until then though I'm going to build myself back up again, get out of this little black hole, sort my training and day to day life out over here, book some UK races and get back on track with it all and go into Saturday's race with an open mind-set and no pressure of how I do and just see what happens and then focus on the season ahead. After all if I was in Jersey I wouldn't have even started racing proper races yet as the UK races don't begin until April so I'm ahead of the game as it is. And just like Coldplay say in one of their popular culture hits "nobody said it was going to be easy" so I'll just take that Diva Whitney Housten's (RIP) advice and take it all "Step by Step". If cycling or me becoming a psychologist don't work out then I think my third job choice would be writing stuff with as many musical references in it as possible as I'm not too bad at that also.  Anywho, those tubs of nutella and speculoos are calling me.

For now, Salut and thanks for reading